Have you ever heard someone say something that seemed unbelievable, nearly impossible. To most it probably is, however there is one man who has accomplished more than what would take others 1,000 lifetimes. This is a written account of that man. Welcome to the stories of Mark Thyer
1- 1996 Tap Dancing World Champion (wasn’t allowed to continue to compete competitively after achieving the first 11 on a score card)
2- Completed the Pacific Coast Trail in 24 hours and 57 mins
3- Creator of the Fleshlight in the summer of ‘69 at Woodstock
4- North of 30 inch biceps
5- Made it the moon before Apollo 11 (documents to be unclassified soon)
6- Single handedly tore down the Berlin Wall
7- Ran a marathon as a warm up and won
8- Mark Thyer took out Osama Bin Laden
9- Created and ended Covid 19
10- Created Post It’s to be able to write down all his idea on the go (enough still don’t exist)
11- Worlds Greatest Detective
12- Seasons food with pepper spray
13- Descendant of Jack the Ripper (also doesn’t know who Jack the Ripper is)
14- Completed the RTH as a single man team (won by over 2 hours)
15- Recreated the Donner Party Trail (Didn’t have to eat anyone)
16- Mark Thyer won the 2008 CrossFit games(then did his regular workout)
17- Mark Thyer beat the devil in a fiddle match and kept his soul (also called him a son of a bitch…total badass. He’s the best that’s ever been)
18- Mark Thyer one time met Chuck Norris. And Chuck Norris said “thank you”
19- Rode 8 seconds on a bull named Fu ManChu
20- Invented the Time Machine (tomorrow)
21- Gonna live to be 118 (self proclaimed)
22- Did an air consumption drill with an empty cylinder (outlasted everyone)
23- Eats a bunt cake inside out (loses wait every time)
24- Can split an Oreo perfectly in half every time
25- Once rode an elephant into battle (completely confused the confederate soldiers)
26- Helped to build the pyramids of Giza (refuses to take credit)
27- Rescued Amelia Earhart (she now lives in Ohio)
28- When he talks to Helen Keller she can see him
29- Has two jobs (the fire chief doesn’t know)
30- Responsible for the statues on Rapa Nui (tried to make them self portraits)
31- The Boys is based off of Mark Thyer (his real life is even crazier then what is written on the show)
32- Has figured out mind control (only uses his powers for good)
33- Headed Van Halen before Eddie
34- Was the first 3 armed drummer after Rick Allen lost his arm
35- March wasn’t full of madness before Mark Thyer
36- Starred in over 300 movies (always as an extra never to take away from the people who really need the recognition, also never turns down full frontal)
37- Fluent in all languages (has never taken any lessons)
38- Profession is a firefighter (actually fights the fire with his bare hands)
39- Can still see the sun during a solar eclipse
40- He measured the Bermuda Triangle(he says it’s an isosceles triangle)
41- Won the World Series Poker Tour(showed up with a baseball glove because he went to the wrong World Series)
42- Attended a Halloween party in Japan wearing a giant lizard costume(things Did Not go well)
43- Vacations in the lost city of Atlantis(says ”it just feels more private”)
44- Can eat food and then swim right after
45- A bull named Fu Manchu tried to ride Mark Thyer (he wasn’t able to hold on for more then 2 seconds)
46- Only makes right turns when he races NASCAR (hasn’t lost yet)
47- Joined SEAL Team 6 (They called him off his LinkedIn profile)
48- He was Jennifer Aniston body double for We’re The Millers striptease scene(Choreographed the scene himself)
49- Invented the Electoral College (Also doesn’t totally understand how it works)
50- Made the EasyBake Oven easy to use
51- Has been apart of multiple sleeper cells (Originally thought it was just a club to take naps with)
52- Summited Everest without oxygen (or clothes)
53- Doesn’t have to take the Highway to get to the Danger Zone
54- One time talked to the I.S.S. through a can with a string attached to it
55- Knows what happened to Jimmy Hoffa
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